sometimes

sometimes a mama just wants to be taken care of.
she spends her days taking care of everyone else.
forgetting to take care of herself.
then there's nothing left to give.
any she looks around and wonders if anyone notices.
that sometimes she needs someone to take care of her too.

Hope Springs Anew

Good day today

Baking cupcakes this morning, gluten-free, for Esther's school auction. Success, they were scrumptious.
Girls bustling about, secret crafting, doors closed. "Don't come in, Mama!"

See an old childhood friend, she is beautiful, lively, married and a mother. I have dreamed of her and wondered.

Drive with the girls, up to our dear friends' farm. "Our" farm. New life is growing and budding and lowing. Grounding and connecting to fresh air, the earth, good friends.


Stretching, yawning, coming out of winter's hibernation,
slowly awakening to the sun.

Living an upset-free life

I am attending a weekly seminar series, a supplement to a weekend course I took this summer. The best way I can describe the curriculum is 'education for an extraordinary life' through intensive life coaching and diligent daily practice of new ways of being. Ways of dealing powerfully in my encounters with people and situations in my life. Each week has an assignment, focusing on an issue in our life that we feel unhappy or powerless in, and practicing a new way of dealing with it.

This week, I am tackling upsets- things that I get upset with. Working on making the switch from 'things out there that make me upset' to 'the upset is within myself'. Sounds great, right? What a concept, to live life free of upset. I don't like being upset, it feels icky and I am not being who I want to be within myself or with others around me when I am upset. I have a choice, to be upset or not. Easy-peasy. Not.

Today my intention was to notice when I got upset and see if I could identify what was going on and practice being present and accepting and therefore not 'upset'. Would someone tell my girls that they should not do anything to upset me please? Though most of my day was pleasant and I was calm and peaceful, by 6pm my patience was gone after a day with one particularly frustrated and unhappy daughter. And boy did I get upset. I knew I was losing my cool in the moment, even took a minute to stop the car and get out to walk down the block and smell some roses before continuing our journey home. I was and am able to see what happened, what I failed to follow-through with my daughter, to see what I can do differently from this point forward.

I really had a lovely day: visit with a dear friend; haircut and talk with my dear sister; registered Colin for another year of high school; had a conversation with a man, homeless, I think, he was kind and I was open and present with him. A good day.

I am thankful for this work. For the practice. For being able to apologize for my mistakes, for my daughter's acceptance and love. Tomorrow is a new day. A day to practice having a different way of viewing life's little upsets.